I have, to be honest with you.
I just couldn’t stand her.
With those big blue eyes, easy going nature and its-all-good-even-when-it’s-not sunny disposition…
Like seriously, why couldn’t she just be normal – like everyone else?
I thought to myself, as I awkwardly struggled to lift my 35+ lb air tank onto my pale Canadian shoulders.
Proceeding to waddle like a drunken, bloated penguin (who can’t quite hold up his own weight yet…) towards the edge of the boat. I took a moment before closing my eyes and jumping into the ocean below. Leaving “her” and that perfect blonde hair behind me.
At least for the next 30 minutes or so…
Now, as some of you may already know…this was many years ago, not long after I had first learned to Scuba Dive.
When Matt and I had joined a small crew of Indonesian pirates, their French-expat captain – and an odd-ball crew of divers for 2 weeks, at sea.
I loved it. I hated it. It made my heart sing. But it also terrified me.
The most inexperienced person on the boat. Who grew up on the prairies…
But today, we’re not talking about me.
We’re talking about who I was.
Or more importantly, who I so desperately wanted to be.
You see, I’ve spent most of my life quietly judging every single person I met — who had what I wanted.
..while equally beating myself up, for not being more like them.
Confidence. Happiness. Freedom. Independence. Strength. Grace. Calm. Knowledge.
Everything I wanted, I couldn’t help but believe that it only lived OUT there.
In other people’s lives.
Because it was different for them. It was easier for them.
That girl on the boat? I don’t know her story. I don’t know her life.
But as much as I enjoyed her company and loved her passion for life. Deep down it broke me, to know that she had something I might never have.
She believed in herself, and the choices that she made.
Like a mythical creature that only exists in the movies and fairy tales, she would wander through life with a sense of self I would dream about late at night.
My life looked a little different. I mean, we were on the same boat. In the same sea.
But, me? I couldn’t be like her. I couldn’t feel like her. I couldn’t live like her.
Or could I? At first, my mind would race with all the possibilities. Maybe if I was single. Maybe if I was blonde. Maybe if I was American. Maybe if I had more money.
Maybe if I didn’t have the wicker-family hump….hmmmmmmmmm.
Maybe maybe maybe.
I could leave it all behind. Then, maybe I could be free.
Now, I doubt that you’ve met a skinny, blonde, American, Advanced Scuba Diver, world travelling girl, who makes you feel like a failure in your life.
But I can pretty much guarantee you have your own version of her, in your life.
That one person that makes you feel like your life just isn’t good enough.
Your childhood. Your family. Your home. Your body. Your partner. Your job. Your business.
You name it, there’s probably someone who’s got it “better” than you.
So you move through your life silently contemplating what would be possible, if you could just slip away in the night.
Leaving the dishes in the sink and the bills piled on the counter top…yoga mat, and credit card in hand.
But then you hesitate and think back. To all the moments you cherish. The conversations, the people, the experiences…that you adore in your life.
That life you’re trying to get away from? That’s where the magic begins.
Which is why this week on Liberated TV I’m sharing how you can create more freedom in the life you have, without leaving your life behind.
Here’s the thing. Most people spend their entire lives chasing someone else’s version of perfection. Just dreaming of the day that they get their chance to shine.
But they forget the magic that lives, right here and now.
You see, that girl? She was wonderful, that much was true.
But she would never be me. She didn’t have my life. She didn’t have my experiences. She didn’t have my body.
She never would.
Her presence was simply a mirror, showing me the parts of myself that I had hidden from the world.
In all those salty air moments I believed that I had to be her. I just needed to let myself be me, the way she did.
It would take years for me to finally discover where my true freedom came from. But until that day, I would admire from a safe distance, the beauty and brilliance in others.
Until the day I found it, in myself.
WATCH IT NOW
FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS
Discover how you can create your very own Liberated Life, for free right here. It starts this Saturday, but if you can’t make it – I’ll be sure to send you a recording. You’ll hear how you can make simple shifts to feel truly free and I’ll be sharing how I found freedom in my own life. One day at a time.
ABOUT THE HOST
Amber Chalus, founder and creator of The Liberated Woman is a Free-Spirited Explorer, Coach, Yoga Teacher and Podcast Host. Her mission? To empower women to Escape the Ordinary, Discover Their Bliss & Find Freedom Within. She believes that every woman deserves to feel connected to her body, radiate with confidence and live the life of her dreams. Her current home is located in the wild heart of Canada with her charming British husband and adorable rescue pup, Indiana. Read her story here.
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PS. Want to create your own Liberated Life, but don’t want to leave your life behind? Not interested in leave your husband or getting a face transplant? Join me this Saturday, February 11th at 11 am CST/ 12am EST for my live masterclass. I’ll be sharing how create freedom in my own life, one day at a time. Save your spot here.